My previous post was all about tests, specifically the trisomy 3. As a quick refresher I refused the test but my insurance carrier came back and said in order for them to cover my sonograms I would have to have the test done. D’oh!
I gave the nurse Steve’s information so he could receive that call and not me.
After the last article I received so many comments on what other moms to be would do. It was fascinating all the different opinions, ones I never even considered, but that is an entirely different story; one I’ll write about next week.
For the last month I had forgotten all about that dog-on test until yesterday when we went to the specialist for a follow up.
We walked into the building and I looked at Steve and asked him about the test.
S: oh yeah they called a few weeks ago and all is good.
Whew, I thought.
I signed in and sat next to him. We were having a great morning, laughed the entire way to the doctor, it was just one of those nice mornings. But something was odd in the way he answered me in the lobby so I asked him again….and again…and again.
After being with someone for seventeen years you can spot a lie.
S: Kerry, everything is fine. We are here to get confirmation that it was a false positive.
I am an emotional person to begin with and this set me upside down. I went to the bathroom and cried, hard. I gagged but didn’t throw up.
When I walked out of the bathroom Steve was there with my purse, knocking on the wrong bathroom door.
That made me giggle.
He tried to explain to me that because of my age and the fact that I was having twins I automatically fell into a positive spectrum but after the first sonogram the results dropped significantly.
All I could think about was if one is so sick she doesn’t survive that means the other one won’t either. I couldn’t live with losing both babies.
I then couldn’t stop thinking that it was my entire fault. I just couldn’t leave well enough alone with the two healthy girls missing me at home. I had to have more.
And I didn’t even give a thought about poor Steve, carrying and hiding this secret for over three weeks, protecting me.
I truly thought he would reject the test results like I would have but the lady started the conversation with, “I hate to give this news….” This is a no brainer that something was wrong.
Steve discussed the results with my sister and they both agreed they shouldn’t tell me. I am really glad they didn’t. I would have done NOTHING but worry and be frightened which that level of stress is definitely not good for a growing fetus.
Once the sonogram started and baby A was measuring perfectly I relaxed. They ruled out Trisomy 13 and 18 and as long as the bones continue to grow normally we can rule out 21.
This situation brought me back to my original thought that I still wouldn’t want to know giving the chance again. We wouldn’t have an abortion and we would figure it out but in the mean time I want to enjoy my pregnancy and stay as calm and healthy as possible.
This also got me wondering about false positives, false negatives and even worse how many women aborted their child one they were told there was a positive.
I’ve met so many women and have been told so many stories about false positives that for a moment I thought “wouldn’t it be nice to live in a world like when we were young. Mom realized she was pregnant and 9 months later she popped out a baby.”
But then again we wouldn’t have all the wonderful memories of actually watching a baby grown or even IVF for us to have a baby…babies.
I truly admire my younger sister whose philosophy when she was pregnant was “there is nothing I can do about it so I might as well relax.” I try to remember that but I am who I am and I’ve embraced it.
PS the doctor did confirm we are having another set of twin girls….YEA! Steve will have to move out a few days each month; ha-ha!