I went to a birthday party on Saturday. I went solo with Brody- and my husband stayed home with the twins. It was at a fire station for a 3 year old, and I knew that it would not meet the guidelines for ‘twin 15 month old proofed’ by any stretch of the imagination.
Inevitably it came time for me to be introduced to the other moms that arrived at the party. ‘This is my friend Farrah- (wait for it…) she also has 15 month old TWIN BOYS!’ Picture a group of women looking at me as if I just sprouted horns on my head. It’s always awkward if that’s how I’m introduced because then I get the inevitable…. “OH I WANT TO HAVE TWINS!!!” And what really, am I supposed to say to that?
I just kind of say, ‘Yep. It’s crazy’. And go to look for that tot of mine who wants to climb on top of the truck by himself… But I know I’ve been marked. I can tell in the way that one looked at me that I was going to be seeing lots of her for the rest of the party. I was in the cross hairs of her scope- so to speak.
She caught me a little while later and without missing a beat started in on the questions. First she wanted to try and figure out if they’re ‘all natural’ and if they ARE how on earth did I DO it? Next she found a way to be around every corner asking what it’s like- what it’s REALLY like- and ‘was I just totally surprised or what?’ Well. Short version is that I just say they’re organic as far as I can tell. And if you’d REALLY like to know what it’s like I wish you could have been over the first three months of their lives from about 7pm-4am. That’s when you got the REAL picture.
I try not to sound bored, bitchy, clueless or smug when I answer these questions because I truly do not know. We just had them, without plan or preparation. It’s not until I get the- ‘OMG, I want twins SO BAD. I keep telling my husband we just HAVE to have them’ that I figure nothing I will say can satisfy this person. The only solution is to put a large distance between myself and the offending stranger.
I understand that there is a fascination- I do- but if you’re going to ask me about it and I don’t tell you it’s just all adorable pictures of them in matching outfits all of the time, please don’t continue to go on and tell me how much you still want them, how you know it’s hard but that doesn’t matter, etc…. truth be told, I DON’T CARE. I cannot grant them. Look- I hope you have twins, really, I do. Because then you will realize how loony tunes it sounds to tell me that it’s all you want in the world. Because our life is NOT easy. Much of the time is ISN’T fun. It’s a crap load of work and you never get a minute of downtime. If you thought you had hot mess days with your one child, well buckle up because you will experience hot mess YEARS with multiples.
I hope I don’t sound bitter or jaded- because I wouldn’t trade our guys for anything on earth or beyond. I love them like there’s no tomorrow, tell that that- and realize I have tripled love in my home versus divided love. But there’s only so much ‘Oh my, you must have your HANDS FULL’ or ‘OMGEEE I SO WANT TO HAVE TWINS!! That a person can take.
When we were eating cake I took my plate to sit by a couple on the floor. My son was playing (ha- he was really fighting over trains) with the other kids including their toddler. I made small talk with them but was really trying to figure out how to make a quick exit without a meltdown from my kid. After a few minutes she says to me ‘You’re the one with twins too, right? Are they here?’ I explained to her that they were home with pops and it was nice to have an afternoon with my oldest. She looked kind of nervous and said ‘I just found out I’m having twins. I’m freaking out. I don’t know what I’m going to do!’ And I just had to laugh. I simply told her ‘It’s awesome. And absolutely nothing anyone can say to you will even remotely prepare you for how incredible it really is. You’re so lucky… I wouldn’t want it any other way.’
Farrah is the mom to (almost) 3 year old Brody and 15 month old fraternal twins Lincoln & Chase. You can usually track her down on twitter @Momofthreeunder and on her blog The Three Under.