Interesting Things Happen at Wellness Checks When you’re Eight

The bigs had their eight year old wellness check recently. They are getting ready to turn nine in a month *insert sobs* and they have been stinkin’ *insert sobs but of a different caliber*. I made a note to ask the doctor about the appropriate time to introduce deodorant.

First, they all have a new doctor because we moved to a different town, which would not normally have deterred me BUT their amazing doctor retired. Luckily, we are all fond of their new doctor who is female, making the girls more comfortable, especially during this phase AND she is only a mile away. BOOM!

The first appointment was in the middle of the day, which I hate because they are usually running behind, and it messes up the work and school day.

I like to make good first impressions and then let the crazy show. Luckily last week, the little’s wellness checks went great because for the big’s appointment we were running behind.

I called to ask if being 10-15 minutes late would be an issue and the receptionist said, “Well, the doctor has a 10 minute late policy.”

Me: what does that mean?

Her: it means she has a ten-minute late policy.

Me: So if I am over ten minutes late, she will not see me OR I will be hit with a fee? I am driving 30 minutes away so this is important.

Her: it depends.

Me: *grumble*

I get it, really, I do but I would rather reschedule then take off work and drive all that way. Low and behold, the awesome elementary school helped me out and brought the girls out to me so we did not waste any more time!

After all that we arrived only seven minutes late! One thing I love about this office is they give the kids hospital gowns so they are not sitting in their underwear.

L was first. She climbed on the table and started posing for her funeral.

L: which position looks better?

H and I just giggled.

She then decided on different noises she would make as she was dying. Should she grab her neck as if she was choking and or grab her heart as if it stopped?

We were seriously in hysterics by that point.  What a goof ball!

Finally, the doctor came in and examined each girl. As she was, she asked me if I had any concerns. I asked about a few issues with the smelly pits being last.

Dr. ahhh puberty

Me: *smiling uncomfortably while the doctor continued*

Dr. In a year you’ll probably see some boob growth and then a year after that some hair

Me: *always awkward* ok, ok, we will discuss that more later.

Meanwhile, the girls are making the most grossed out faces without concealing them from the doctor. I started to giggle again as if I am the child in the room while simultaneously holding back tears that these kiddos are too young for that. They still believe in Santa! I cannot tuck a big-boobed, smelly kid to bed so Santa can make his rounds!

After the doctor left, I was helping my prepubescent child put her tights on (ironically enough) and she starts a little wiggle dance, singing:

“I want to get my puberty first! Me! Me!” *then stops confused and looks me square in the face* “Wait, what is even the puberty?”

I’m totally not prepared for this. I am willing to have all those lovely conversations but I was caught off guard so in the only awkward fashion I know, I replied “boobs and hair.”

Suddenly the giggles erupt and they start yelling, “I don’t want boobs!!!”

Roll on to a couple days later and I receieved a text from my sister.

K: I’m glad to hear they are starting puberty

Me: bahahaha. Did they tell you that?

K: everything (with the emoji monkey covering his ears)

Later that evening when she dropped them off she told me the entire story.

Girls: we get to wear deodorant because we are starting the puberty

K: oh really

G: yep!

I guess they discussed this a little because my sister is not shy; she has five kids so she is used to these topics.

G: can we shave when we get hair!!???

K: yep

G: how do you shave?

K demonstrated how to shave your armpits.

G: what about our legs?

K: sure, eventually.

G: my mommy bleeds.

K: *insert more monkey emojis*

G: yeah, we saw blood in the toilet and she said she was bleeding because she cut herself shaving.

DO’H

We did have a fun time shopping for deodorant and reminding them to wear it is yet another thing to add to our fun mornings. So far Tom is doing his job.

Anyway, we ordered the American Girl Doll puberty book and plan on diving into that soon.

PLEASE share your experiences. This is too good to pass up. I need lots of help here parents!

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