Everyone around us seems to be getting pregnant or just popping them out. I’m super excited because it’s all the people we love. However sometimes I get sad and cry. Not weepy but just a little sad. This week I have been very emotional and snappy. I thought it was PMS but finally fessed up that it’s all the new babies I’ve been holding. I sent S a text explaining this and he replied “me too.” That hit me hard because I always think of him as my solid rock. I’m the emotional one and he is always so strong for me that I never stop to think maybe he’s hurting too. He is. He really is. In these situations of infertility the women tend to get all the attention or at least that is what I witness. We can forget that there is a man wishing to be a parent as well. I need to keep that in check and let him be sad for a change. Those two words really made me realize a lot.
Later that night I was talking to my husband and he was thinking back to when we first started getting serious. I was upfront with him and told him dr. after dr. told me I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. Obviously he stuck with me but I never thought much about his feelings, I guess because I never thought we would get THAT serious. He said he used to think all the time “If I stick with this I’m never going to be a father or a grandfather.” I guess my thoughts were always, well now I can have a big mixed family like a Benetton Ad. When he gets sad he thinks back to those days and smiles that he IS a father and WILL be a grandfather. He’s right. Sometimes we just need to take a hard look at what we have that we never thought possible and move on.