“I no longer make eye contact with strangers. I was always the smiley girl walking down the street, into the store, wherever. But that changed once the second set of girls showed up. The looks, the questions, the comments are … Continue reading
What to tell your children about your path to having them? Does it matter that they were conceived with a little help? Should you tell them they were created like little spawn in a petri-dish? After all they are 100% me and Steve. How will it affect them? My Mom asked me if I was going to tell them and I thought no. She wasn’t asking for any particular reason but after our conversation I started thinking that maybe I should in case they have fertility issues. Maybe this is something at a young age we can get checked out or look into. I don’t think my issues were a cause of anything hereditary but because I was sick often and took a body beating when I was about 12 years old with a blood disease called ITP. It caused my body to get all out of whack, delay my menstrual cycle and eventually create an entire imbalance in my ovulation….in other words I don’t…ovulate that is.
So what, if anything, do you tell your children about your path to having them???
Everyone around us seems to be getting pregnant or just popping them out. I’m super excited because it’s all the people we love. However sometimes I get sad and cry. Not weepy but just a little sad. This week I have been very emotional and snappy. I thought it was PMS but finally fessed up that it’s all the new babies I’ve been holding. I sent S a text explaining this and he replied “me too.” That hit me hard because I always think of him as my solid rock. I’m the emotional one and he is always so strong for me that I never stop to think maybe he’s hurting too. He is. He really is. In these situations of infertility the women tend to get all the attention or at least that is what I witness. We can forget that there is a man wishing to be a parent as well. I need to keep that in check and let him be sad for a change. Those two words really made me realize a lot.
Later that night I was talking to my husband and he was thinking back to when we first started getting serious. I was upfront with him and told him dr. after dr. told me I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant. Obviously he stuck with me but I never thought much about his feelings, I guess because I never thought we would get THAT serious. He said he used to think all the time “If I stick with this I’m never going to be a father or a grandfather.” I guess my thoughts were always, well now I can have a big mixed family like a Benetton Ad. When he gets sad he thinks back to those days and smiles that he IS a father and WILL be a grandfather. He’s right. Sometimes we just need to take a hard look at what we have that we never thought possible and move on.
Ahh the beginning of fertility treatments and I’m already messing up. The first time around was so confusing to me and you would think I would know what I am doing by now but I have no clue. I was always rather sick growing up so I have this fantastic ability to automatically tune doctors out. It is completely involuntary. I ask intelligent questions, take notes (that turn out to be gibber gabber) and nod as if I completely understand. As soon as I walk out of the office it is like the slate was wiped clean again. What the hell did he just say? Now this time I will say I do know what is going on but even so the instructions are usually overwhelming. My packet of information came in the mail a week ago and even though I talked to my nurse I still forgot what to do with the birth control pills. My cycle started on Friday so I called to make my appointment for blood work for day 3, Sunday. On Saturday I realized I hadn’t taken the antibiotic yet (always necessary at the beginning of treatment ) so I ran to the pharmacy to get it filled and take it. There was an extra scrip in the folder and I asked the pharmacy what it was for. In all honesty I thought it was for prenatal vitamins which I wasn’t going to have filled because they make me sick. Well, when he said it was for birth control I panicked. Being a weekend I couldn’t get a hold of the dr. or nurse, I didn’t see any instructions in my hand out so I popped the pill (according to the pill instructions.) So like me to panic. Well that night I took the antibiotic and low and behold not being a pill person to begin with I throw up! This is good and bad. Good because it probably weakened the pill I WASN’T supposed to take until after my blood work but bad because we’re not sure if the antibiotic was absorbed enough into my system. Ha-ha when my nurse, DW, called on Monday (monitoring was Sunday and all was good) she just laughed as we have been through panic Kerry before! As of right now I will continue on the pill and hope we get insurance approval to move forward in the early months of 2012. A little funny how in order to get pregnant I have to start by taking the pill. Whatever works I will do!
I had lunch the other day with an old friend. It had been years since we have seen each other but it all felt the same. We seem to come and go in each other’s lives to help the other out of a jam, weird how that happens. She will always have a special place in my heart even if years go by without talking. We have been “reunited” if you will because she is having fertility issues. As with every women going through this, we are all different and so are our issues. For instance my doctor thought my situation would be simple enough but after 2 years we realized that wasn’t the case. What is the same is the reality of how painful, emotionally, this is for each and every woman whether it takes 6 months or 6 years, it is all terribly exhausting. I have met some wonderful woman trying to conceive in fact one of my dearest friends is getting ready to pop out her second through fertility treatments. God love her as her kids will only be about 15 months apart. YIKES! Anyway the best advice I can give is to find someone that has gone through it and hold her close to you so you don’t feel alone. I didn’t have anyone until I finally thought I was going crazy and called a friend of a friend almost 2 years into it. She is what I like to call, my savior. My favorite part of the conversation was:
Me: I feel like I am going crazy
K: You are. They have you so pumped up on hormone meds that your mind has no idea what’s going on.
Her brutal honesty made me laugh. Nothing could have been truer and just hearing her say that and fully understand what I was going through made a world of difference. I felt like I was going to be ok. The next month it worked and now I have twinsies that made me forget it all!
Tip o’ The Day: find someone, anyone who has gone through this and talk to them. There are hundreds of on-line groups & for those of you that live in a city there are groups that get together. REACH OUT!
Let’s see how this works for all of you out there trying. My memory of the strenuous two years of trying to have my own family is a very blurry one. What I remember were the endless trips to Annapolis. Two hours there, two hours back. Most months I would leave my house at 5:00 in the morning to make it to the Dr. office by 7:00 so I could be seen first and then jump back in the car to make it to work by 9:00. I was usually late but I had a very cool boss who never noticed or tracked time and now we are best buds even though at the time he had no clue. This occurred anywhere from 7 – 15 times a month; mostly alone unless my husband could make it or my dear parents. I would cry. It was hard going alone but I knew it had to be done. I would be scared but I grew stronger. I would get down but learned to be positive. I would get drunk but sober up although that wasn’t during the drive, appointment or work. It was every month when my nurse, D, would call and tell me once again she was sorry but it didn’t work. I hated those days, so did my husband and my Mom because those two had to calm my nerves, wipe my tears, and then put me to bed. Sounds dramatic but it sucked! It sucked because one after another women were getting pregnant all around me. It sucked because once again on the news a baby was abandoned. It sucked because I knew S was sad with me. It sucked because the issue was me. But i tell you what above all of that what I remember the most was standing on the corner of Toulouse and Bourbon and getting a call. D said, ” I hope you are drinking O’Douls!” That is what still sits in my heart and mind. That is when the real emotions started, the real tears, the real party. New Orleans was all a little girl with a dream of being a Mom needed.