Fertility Friday 32- Don’t Read the Signs

Oh my gosh the signs.  You can over-read the signs until you are breathless.  On the evening I was supposed to do my trigger shot, I opened the pre-filled needle and it was empty!  Empty!  Was this my sign that maybe we shouldn’t be doing this again?

Luckily, that was my one and only break down, which was a long time coming and my doctor got it all squared away.   Miraculously he was able to issue me a substitute with the supplies I had until I got to his office the next day.  I spent 3 hours in his office waiting for my new meds.

This hiccup pushed our schedule back a couple days which was actually more desirable for Steve and me.  Now it’s a good sign.

The morning I was driving to my parents’ house so they could watch the girls while I had my transfer, my Bowie necklace broke.  Bowie was my beloved dog of 12 years and when he passed, I was 8 month pregnant with the girls; my sister had a necklace with his name made for me.  I wore it faithfully every day.  When I broke it the first time my sister handed me a backup….she did that twice.  She knows me so well.

Was that my sign?

Out of 24 fertilized eggs, it looked like none were viable to be frozen.  Was that my sign?  Was that the sign that I was going to get pregnant since I didn’t have any more chances?

Then the doctor called 3 days later with a report that four actually matured beautifully and are frozen.  Ahh!  Now am I not pregnant because some were actually frozen.

Is it a coincidence that my transfer fell on the start of NIAW week?  Or that my doctors’ name was Isaac (like my little buddy Isaac from Saving Isaac?)

Lord have mercy with the good signs, bad signs!  Just ignore the signs and let God do his magic; of course with the help of those brilliant doctors.

But honestly from transfer to pregnancy test is the hardest of all.  The wait is horrible.  You think every little move is vital in some way.

Did I yell too loud at the girls?

Did my blood pressure go up to high?

Am I warm enough?

Did I eat enough?

Is that heart-burn I feel?

Was that package too heavy to lift?

This is straight torture!

Two weeks cannot get here fast enough and I never wish away my time but I need to know.   I NEED TO KNOW!

OK positive feelings!  Send me your positive vibes because I am greedy and want them.  Thanks!

My Life in Numbers

This was so fun to write in honor of my lovely fellow bloggers, Farrah and Greta.  Don’t foget to visit GFunkified to read more link ups on others “Life in Numbers.”

1 number of IVF attempts (success)

1 number of marathons I’ve run

2 number of kids I have

2 number of times I’ve driven cross country

2 number of years I bugged the colleges before one finally hired me

2 number of dogs we currently have

3 number of times I usually drag the kids out of the house per day

3 number of years I’ve been a full time stay at home Mom (small side jobs not included)

3 number of months when I realized I would marry Steve

3 number of dogs we’ve adopted

3 number of pitbulls we’ve owned and loved

3 number of times I pulled into the same pump on the wrong side before I finally gave up and left (baby brain)

4 number of years old my girls will be next month

4 number of major surgeries I’ve had

4 number of eggs I eat a day

4 number of degrees I have (2 associates, 1 BS, 1 MBA) – and none of them prepped me for parenthood

5 number of turtles I had before they caught a virus and died

5 number of days we hit the beach in the summer

6 number of times I’ve been to New Orleans (favorite place)

6 number of IUI attempts

7 number of years before I got pregnant

7 number of kids I wish I could have had

9 number of years I had Marcie and Frankie (turtles)

11 number of years old my Bowie was when he died

12 number of years (almost) that I’ve been married

17 number of years we have been together

20 number of years I’ve lived at the beach (or very close)

38 years I’ve been alive

38 number of states I’ve been to

150 number of minutes until bedtime

I might have to do this again!  You should try it as well!  Link up, leave a comment or do on your own!

Lastly don’t forget about the giveaway that ends Wednesday.  Happy ALMOST Thanksgiving!

Fertility Friday 10

How do you decide on the road to success with fertility treatment?  Do you start slow and steady, a little conservative?  Do you jump on in and move the process along?  How many months do you use Clomid before realizing this isn’t working.   How many rounds of IUI? How many embryos do you put in for IVF?   These are all tough questions.  For us, our doctor thought my “issue” would be a quick fix.  I wasn’t ovulating; yes ladies it is nice to menstruate only a few times a year unless, you are trying to get pregnant.  We started what I considered to be fast right out of the gates with a healthy dose of clomid.  Why did I think this was fast?  Because after so many years of trying on our own (five years, with a 6 month period of clomid but no supervision or guidance) it felt like it was going to happen RIGHT NOW. It didn’t.  We then moved onto IUI after 6 months.  The first try I bailed.  I think I became overwhelmed and just needed a minute.  After that quick regroup session we jumped back into five more tries.  Ugh that is so frustrating.  Now I was definitely feeling like we were being too conservative.  I had heard Shady Grove is more conservative which had me second guessing my decision to use them but in hindsight that is the healthiest way to go.  This is your body and your baby you’re messing with so a gentle approach is best.  There is selective termination which is just a fancy way to say abortion which is something I wouldn’t choose.  Especially when I am the one purposefully creating this child knowing there is a strong possibility of having multiples so if I was going to end up with 5 babies then that was my fate.   I do/did believe so many rounds of IUI were too many and we should have moved onto IVF sooner. With that said the next question presented itself.  Originally we signed a waiver requesting only 1 embryo to be used should we make it to this step.  After almost 2 years we changed our mind to 2.  The doctor wanted to know our reason and we explained to him the emotions we were dealing with. 
  • ·         Emotionally it was taking a toll on me, my husband and my parents
  • ·         Financially it was taking a toll on us
  • ·         Mentally it was exhausting
  • ·         If we only used one and it didn’t’ take, I wasn’t sure I could keep going based on the above.
  • ·         If we used two, the chances were better that at least one took, if both took then we would be happy to have 2 kids in case, again, for the reasons above.
Knowing what I know now, hindsight’s 20-20, if only.  Next time we will go straight to IVF but that is only because we know now what we didn’t them.  It is such a tough decision but probably the most important one you will make.  So how do you handle making such a life altering decision?

Fertility Friday 9

What to tell your children about your path to having them? Does it matter that they were conceived with a little help? Should you tell them they were created like little spawn in a petri-dish? After all they are 100% me and Steve. How will it affect them? My Mom asked me if I was going to tell them and I thought no. She wasn’t asking for any particular reason but after our conversation I started thinking that maybe I should in case they have fertility issues. Maybe this is something at a young age we can get checked out or look into. I don’t think my issues were a cause of anything hereditary but because I was sick often and took a body beating when I was about 12 years old with a blood disease called ITP. It caused my body to get all out of whack, delay my menstrual cycle and eventually create an entire imbalance in my ovulation….in other words I don’t…ovulate that is.
So what, if anything, do you tell your children about your path to having them???