I Became That Lady

My guest today is one of my best blogger buds, Farrah from The Three Under She is an amazing mother of twin 2 year olds and a, young, four year old.  Her family recently moved to the Netherlands where she is in an entirely new world full of calm kids (not in America), biking as transportation (not in America) and crazy kitchen appliances (not in America)!  HA! I tease.  But she is amazing in her journey and it is so intriguing to watch her adjust to a new world, traveling all over, blogging about it and doing it with such ease.  She is a Mom to be admired on all fronts!  I am so honored that she is here with me today (again); well with you.  I’m on a boat in the middle of nowhere!  Enjoy!

 

When I was planning my wedding, I remember my mother telling me that three was a perfect number. We were trying to decide how to do the centerpieces for the reception tables and she told me that I would need three votives on each table to compliment the vase in the center. Something about the way she said ‘Three is a good number’ just stuck with me and I have to admit- agrees with us on the number of children in our family.

 

Pre-wife-life I wasn’t sure I wanted kids. I was a high school teacher and I liked the kids that I taught in Michigan well enough- but babies? I didn’t understand them; so needy and dependent. I didn’t feel like I was up for the job of caring for someone or something so small and delicate. Notice I didn’t even take into account all of the personal freedom that disappears with kids- it was more or less the logistics of things. Oh and then there was pregnancy. Forget it. I fainted at getting a hemoglobin check so birth was absolutely out of the question.

 

Obviously… I changed my mind. We had our son in 2009 and our lives completely changed in the best way possible. I remember sitting on our bed nursing him and thinking I had never been so content in my entire life. All that mattered in that moment was where I was- who I was with, and what I was doing. The rest of the world could go to hell and I didn’t give a darn.

 

A year later we decided to have #2. Lucky as we were- we again got pregnant on the very first try. I loved our son- and wanted another (son, please? please universe?!) but I loathed the pregnancy.  To me, pregnancy was a means to an end and although I loved having kids- getting them was another story. To my (shock, fear, delight) amazement we found out that there were twins in there- which would give us the magical #3 of children without enduring 3 pregnancies. I was thrilled. But— but—BUT…. Three kids under 2? WHAT THE HELL WAS I GOING TO DO???

 

The other day a memory came to me. I was in my second trimester before the bed rest and all that drama- so still out running errands. Brody was about 15 months old and we were on our way to collect some twin-necessity Craigslist purchases from a lady nearby. I remember it was hot– spring in South Carolina usually is- so I was sweating by the time I got to her house and B out of his car seat. I waddled up to her front door and rang the bell. A little face appeared at the window and darted away. Footsteps. We waited.

 

She opened the door and as B and I stood with his fat and sweaty little hand in mine, we peered inside. There were three partially dressed kids in her living room running from here to there and prevented by a gate from entering the hallway where we were standing. They were loud and crazy and I didn’t want to know if they were all hers. In fact I remember thinking ‘Woah. So she’s got twins and she watches someone else’s kid too?’

 

She saw me watching them and smiled. “Those are my twins- they’re 2. And that’s my oldest. He’s 4.” she said as she eyed my son.

 

She knew.

 

I was looking into my future.

 

And she knew I knew.

 

At the time I remember thinking holy crap. Two toddlers and a ‘big kid’! They were fighting and running and screeching and omgthatisgoingtobemylife. In fact, that was the exact same age difference and that is exactly where we are right now. Four, two and two. And they’re loud and crazy awesome. Funny how a memory comes to you like that.

 

The Three Under is a twins + 1 blog written by Farrah- mom of three boys living as an expat in The Netherlands. Life wasn’t nearly difficult enough in the states- so her family decided to take their show on the road to Europe. Laugh along with her on their journey via Twitter, Facebook and Instagram (@Momofthreeunder).

Fertility Friday 6

Everyone around us seems to be getting pregnant or just popping them out.  I’m super excited because it’s all the people we love.  However sometimes I get sad and cry.  Not weepy but just a little sad.  This week I have been very emotional and snappy.  I thought it was PMS but finally fessed up that it’s all the new babies I’ve been holding.  I sent S a text explaining this and he replied “me too.”  That hit me hard because I always think of him as my solid rock.  I’m the emotional one and he is always so strong for me that I never stop to think maybe he’s hurting too.  He is.  He really is.  In these situations of infertility the women tend to get all the attention or at least that is what I witness.  We can forget that there is a man wishing to be a parent as well.  I need to keep that in check and let him be sad for a change.  Those two words really made me realize a lot.

Later that night I was talking to my husband and he was thinking back to when we first started getting serious.  I was upfront with him and told him dr. after dr. told me I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant.  Obviously he stuck with me but I never thought much about his feelings, I guess because I never thought we would get THAT serious. He said he used to think all the time “If I stick with this I’m never going to be a father or a grandfather.”  I guess my thoughts were always, well now I can have a big mixed family like a Benetton Ad.  When he gets sad he thinks back to those days and smiles that he IS a father and WILL be a grandfather.  He’s right.  Sometimes we just need to take a hard look at what we have that we never thought possible and move on.