As I’ve gotten older I have become slightly less insecure; a little less jealous. I take time to admire people and learn from their strengths…and weaknesses instead of finding fault in myself and praise in them.
This calmness of self comes with age and being surrounded by people you love and who, in return, love you.
In a little over two short years we have been to three funerals of young people we love. That means by the time H and L were just five they had attended three funerals. That thought makes me sad. It makes me sad because with each funeral they ask me if I still cry for Andreas.
I answer them truthfully. I think it’s heartbreaking for them to learn the lesson of loss so early but they understand and I can’t hide it from them forever.
With all of this happening it has made me learn to love a little better. Love everyone in my life for who they are whether I did before or not. I’m learning to find a little kindness and focus on that.
I’ve also come to realize that I am the woman in my girl’s life that will show them to either be love or be jealous and I want them to be love. That is a much better, happier route.
I vow to show them a good life instead of preaching about one and these are just a few ways:
- I will love my short, petit frame and focus on the strength it carries. I will not whine because I am short, I will beam because I am strong
- I will love each battle scar instead of hid them
- I will be proud of the soft center the years of carrying babies and numerous surgeries have left because of this I have four healthy children and I am alive
- But I will show them modesty by wearing a full piece ha-ha
- I will show them how to eat that piece of cake or two without feeling guilt
- Even though I am a SAHM and a damn fine home keeper, I will show them independence
- I will show them the value of an education and the importance of reading
- I will show them kindness to all walks of life and to reach out to those not being treated kindly
- I will show them the difference between money and love and hope they choose the latter
- And lastly I will show them how to make an amazing pie with the best ingredients, many we have grown
As a mom of girls I have one chance to show them strength. I have to be kind to myself so they will be kind to themselves. It’s a tough job but on top of all its glories I have found that being a parent forces me to be a kinder, better person in order to show them how to do so as well.
I’m not sure I’ll ever stop being surprised by the lessons I teach and am taught in this role. I’m not sure I will ever stop being surprised by the emotions I find myself carrying and displaying. I admire each one of my girls in very different ways and every year that admiration grows. I can’t wait to see what I learn next!
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