I beat myself up every time I lose my temper with the girls. Sometimes I have to yell, like scream yell. Like when they are out of control splashing in the tubby and won’t listen to a single reasoning word I say. They laugh at me like I’m a substitute teacher they have been wishing to have all year.
I feel awful once I’ve calmed down and think about how sweet and little and innocent they are. But in the same moment of calm I can escalate back up when I look over at L deliberately putting stickers on the door. Now normally this wouldn’t send me over the edge but she just asked me in every different version possible if she was allowed to do that. H even told her it wasn’t a good idea.
I just read a post on Buried with Children about how raising children is like a roller coaster. That is a great analogy as you can reach the highest peaks and the lowest valleys all within a few short moments.
Kids are tricky little buggers with the sweet face but sassy mouth. I get confused whether to hug or beat. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt and ask them to repeat what they just said in hopes that they realize mocking instructions or saying bad words is a huge no-no. H usually picks up on this instantly; she was blessed-cursed with my fear to please. L, on the other hand, will repeat it with a hand on her jutted out hip and a look that begs me to challenge her.
That child can wear me down. Just tonight, in her sweet little pink paisley jammies, she was reading a book in the nook when H came in to retrieve something. Whatever it was it ticked her off and she smacked H with the power of a 10 year old boy. H looked at me, I looked at L and L looked back at her book as if we went bat hell crazy!
They went to bed early and without a snack but I just had to send them off. I’m not sure if there was a full moon, restless sleep, bored day, lack of burning energy, low sugar, pms or what was going on but the devil shined in their eyes today and I had to take a break.
Lesson here for me; stop beating myself up and start fresh again tomorrow.